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Posts tagged ‘recluse’

Financial problems are turning me into a recluse

I’m working part time in customer service, freelancing graphic projects from time to time, and in search of further full time employment. Majority of my money comes from my part time job. Every month I make about $1,000 to maybe $1,500. Not enough to survive if you have bills, including rent. Which majority of the money goes towards. Because I haven’t been making enough and the company can’t afford to make me a full time employee, I have been forced to look for a second job. Times have been so hard. So bad that I haven’t been going out with my friends or even talking to them. All I’ve been doing for the past few months is look for work, interviewing, going to work, and going home. My life has been pretty boring. I am still surviving so I’m definitely not ungrateful. I’ve just been feeling a little ashamed. I don’t call my friends or try to hang out,simply because I know that money will be needed. Rather than express to them that I just don’t have it, I’d just stay in. I don’t like being in this rut. I don’t know how to do anything with little to no money. I don’t like wanting to go out and do something and feeling the need to worry about my gas and if it’ll last me for the rest of the week if I go out. Hopefully something will come through soon. I know I’m not the only one going through hard times, so I commend everyone who is working their butts off and still trying to make it.


I’ve Become A Recluse

Growing up, I would always be surrounded by people; Large family, groups of friends, going out almost every night. Most of my childhood I had to share a bedroom with my siblings. When I was old enough to get a place of my own, I did. I enjoy the fact that I’m in my own space and I don’t have to be around anyone.

The first few months of living on my own was amazing! I started to become my own best friend. I set dates for myself; movie nights, cheesecake and wine, candle lit bubble baths, etc. Just loving myself. I never had time or space from others to cater to myself. It suddenly ended when a family member and her new baby needed a place to stay. Shortly after that the person I was dating for a couple of months wanted to stay too. I allowed for my family to stay and denied my gf’s request. The family member and her baby found a place and I’m back on my own. I was excited to go back to focusing on me. Doing things for myself and making me happy, after getting my place back was the best feeling in the world. Recently, my gf and I decided to go our separate ways. She kept asking if she could live with me and I kept denying. That became problematic for our relationship. Its been about 2 months since we ended things and I happy to get back to me. I want to focus on making myself happy, working in customer service, and freelancing graphic design projects right now.

I’m going to be honest, I do get a little sad sometimes. My phone barely rings unless it’s work, family, or clients, maybe even the occasional potential employer. Going out, if I’m not working that is, I go by myself. I like to walk around the club when I feel like it. Most people I go with, dance for 5 seconds and the move to another section of the club and repeat. When people that I go out with do that, I stay where I am. Can you tell I’m not a follower? Even though I may be isolating myself, I believe that it works for me. I love ‘me’ time. When your crowded by a group of people, you don’t get the chance to have time for yourself. Take advantage when you can.