I know that the past is the past. But sometimes I wonder; what if I would’ve kept my mouth shut about my pregnancy when it came to my mother? What if I went to the Army base in Texas with my then bf? What if I married him and we raised our child together, knowing deep down that I was a lesbian? What if I took up another major in school? What if I chose an easier career goal? What if? It just seems like everyone is starting new lives and I’m standing still. I mean I’m job hunting for that graphic design position, I’m freelancing, I’m marketing myself and I’m still feeling like a failure. My peers are getting married and starting families. And to think, I almost had that. It kind of makes me wonder, “what am I doing?” I don’t want to be married to a man but I want a child. Three to be exact. I still have to get my shit together though. I want to get my legit graphic design job, I want to expand on my clientele, I want to save, and I want to start a family (whether I’m in a relationship or not). I’m tired of feeling like I’m not up to par. I know God has things set up for me so I’m going to keep doing me and hopefully all will come together soon enough. Just thought I’d vent a little.
Posts tagged ‘lgbt’
So I love the fact that he has this shirt on. His face looks like he’s disgusted, but he’s wearing it so…. Anyways I never pegged him as either a gay man or gay supporter but…idk I’m just glad he’s wearing it for all to see and swallow that pill. I want one of these shirts! So yea, get over it bc while you guys (Hets) are sitting there saying how wrong it is, we are living our lives being proud and out. How you like them apples?! Ha!
I’ve notices that ever since I came out of the closet that people acted differently towards me. My family treated me the same until they got upset with me about something. We would never be able to talk about the issue though. All of a sudden, I’m a ‘Dyke!’. It would come out of nowhere when they’d say it to me. I’ve never been called a ‘dyke’ by anyone, not to my face anyway. It really hurts having your family call you that especially after they seemed okay about your lifestyle. Then they have kids and they try to keep you away from them. Never really having a real reason why. But then I hear, ‘it’s not right that you’re gay and I don’t want my kid around you if your going to be gay.’. So I can’t be around some of my family because of the fact. True, that’s their kids and they can have them around whoever they want. But people are who they are, they aren’t going to change for the comfort of others. Me, being a lesbian or should I say ‘dyke for life’ (might as well wear the homophobic slur from a family member proudly), hasn’t hurt me in a mentally, emotionally, or even physically. It’s the fuckers that were apart of my life that I trusted and confided in, that hurt me. That, ‘blood is thicker than water’ shit is pure bull. People that understand you and love you regardless whether they are family or not treat you better than assholes that are so-called family of yours. Everything can not be justified just because the wrong doing was against a gay man or lesbian woman. People need to get over themselves.