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Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy and content with my decision to live life as a lesbian. The truth is , I wasn’t always ‘out’.  I knew I was attracted to females ever since I was young. I can remember as far back as Kindergarten. I was in love with my teacher and one of my classmates. I always wanted to dress like my brother and have my hair braided like, Da Brat. Lol   Once I started getting older, I realized that the girl crushes and wanting to dress like a boy was ‘bad’. So I started to pretend to like boys and dress a little more girly so I could fit in.  Being a girl, you grow up playing house  and other little games, have sleepovers, etc.  Me and my friends played house and we’d take turns being the mommy and the daddy. We’d make babies. I know, I know…’Where were the parents?’ But the crazy thing is my friends never felt any kind of way about it. We never really talked about the games that we played or anything. My girl crushes came on strong by the time I attended High School. Every girl I called my ‘best friend’ was another crush. Before I moved to another state, I finally wanted to come out to my friends. I still wasn’t ready to tell them that I was a lesbian, so I told them I was bisexual. I wanted to see how they’d take it. They took it easier than I expected. Doesn’t everyone before you actually have a relationship. People are funny. Anyways, even though I came out to my friends, I was still one foot in the closet. After being in a new city and state, I started feeling more comfortable with my sexuality, to the point that I told people that I met. After getting to know them of course. I met a few people and I started to find a real confidant in a guy that I attended night school with. After a while we’d hangout  out of school. We had a really close yet platonic relationship. He like every other guy thinks he has a dick of gold. He asked if we could try a relationship, since we already had great friendship. I fell for it, but it actually was the longest relationship that I’ve ever had. 4 years! It was a good run. Mostly it lasted because I loved him as a person and vice versa. But the true lesbian inside of me just won’t quit. I  had to end it and I’ve been ‘out’ ever since. I broke that closet door back in Spring of  ’08.  I’m so glad I did. Even though I lost  many friends and some of my family relationships are a bit iffy, it does get better.

 

 

 

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